spam paranoia and swivel chairs

I think I’m becoming spam paranoid. I was certain that after someone else had taken over our main mail address that most of it would disappear. My peace and quiet lasted for about four hours but then I realised that I had become the target for a new wave of unwanted crud. But this time the content seems more perverse than ever almost metapornography.

The mail message read Geld sparen durch Direktversand and that sounded promising. Who doesn’t want to save money. But when I opened it there was the image you have just seen. A plush leather office chair from Germany with the headline Schwarzer Chefsessel mit echtem Buffalo Leder Edel und exklusiv! And you can’t argue with that! A bargain at 131,10 Euros net! I was glad that it was exclusive buffalo and not the ordinary run of the mill type. Although the appeal to its nobleness seems odd copywriting in translation.

No sooner had I removed this one than another message emerged from the ether offering Grosse Flaechen saugen. By now I was little wary and considered trashing the mail before opening it but curiosity got the better of me. What could this large area sucking mean and to my surprise (sort of) there was an image of a vacuum cleaner with multiple attachments. “Curiouser and curiouser”, the price for this fine machine was again 131,10 Euros net – coincidence?

Hard on the heels of the vacuum cleaner came another mail titled Unverzichtbar! Now my German isn’t that great but thank god for Google translate this I understand to mean indispensable and what was this indispensable object – nothing more or less than a barstool. Again I search for logic, German office equipment and appliances, why me, why now and why German.

It is true that we are planning two major German themed exhibitions for next year and it is true that I have been mailing both to Berlin and Vienna. I really don’t remember using any of the following words, leather, bar, buffalo, office or suck.

I have come across an interesting piece of research that suggests that Email addresses starting with the letters ‘A’, ‘M’, ‘S’, ‘R’ or ‘P’ are much more likely to receive spam than addresses that begin with uncommon letters like ‘Y’, ‘Q’ or ‘Z’. But my address is neither in the popular or unpopular group.

I have also read that the most popular spam subjects in order are: